Achievement

New Year, New Me, blah blah

12:18

This post will be a little more lofty than usually, as - even though I toss "New Year, New Me" crap to trash - I am still in a pretty reflective mood right now.

This year I decided not to make any resolutions I would forget after a day of hangover (although there was no hangover this time). What I mean is that I wish to focus on my inner state rather than on the external aspects of life, such as weight loss, money etc. (I'm not saying they're not welcome...). I have to admit I wasn't in the best health condition lately and it brought my attention to the issues I neglected for years, with suppressed emotions in the lead. I believe that everything that happens to us is the elongation of our inner - often subconscious - state. Here are the things I am aspiring to this year:

  • be in contact with my emotions
  • be aware
  • be gentle for myself
  • let the things that block me go
  • let control go
  • embrace the uncertainty
  • be grateful
  • love
I am not claiming that I will achieve all of the above at once, as it involves changing my habits, which is a rather long-term process. I intend to be proud of myself for even small steps taken towards the direction I chose. Basically, I want to open for what life brings and stop trying to control everything. I want to be true to myself, as well as trust my intuition. I believe that this is the best thing I can do for myself (and others in my surroundings) at the moment.

What are your New Year's reflections and resolutions? Can't wait to read them!






Anxiety

On guilt and shame

02:41


Lately I gave in the cozy and melancholic atmosphere of late autumn afternoons, put me in a rather reflective state of mind. Taking long strolls while freezing my butt off definitely encouraged contemplative mood. Moreover, Christmas is around the corner, and it would be nice to really be able to enter this time with 'pure heart'. By this I mean the heart not cluttered with negative emotions. If I were to name the worst (or maybe, the most unpleasant) feelings, it would definitely be guilt and shame. What is so special about them, you ask? Why are they any better than anger, sadness or even despair? It is because, my friend, shame and guilt involve a whole ton of self-hatred and self-accusations, which are, basically, a weapon aimed at yourself.

Ok, it is just the beginning of the second paragraph, however, we can already draw a relatively clear conclusion out of what I have written. I used the word 'weapon' not without a reason, as it indicates some kind of a battle going on inside of you. As you may be aware, the reality we find ourselves in is very often (or even always) the reflection of our inner state,  hence, at the time being, you might be battling with the rest of the world, too. And you know what? It is completely fine. 

So, if you in a state of resistance and pushback, by definition you are isolating yourself from the world, as well as from life. Guilt makes you numb on the inside - you feel empty, 'dead' even. Paradoxically, you're in the great pain at the same time - pain caused by helplessness. And here, my friend, we come to another conclusion: you live in an illusion. Why? Because you are NOT helpless - actually, you are the furthest from that. 

 What can you do in the situation you found yourself in? The answer may seem counterintuitive, as the best thing you can is... surrender. Allow for the wave of 'negative' emotions to overflow you, actually FEEL what is there inside of you. Your consciousness may resist this, however, try to find this trust in you which will allow you to go through this process. Cry, scream, throw plates (maybe just not the Rosenthal ones...) - basically, it's all about letting your feelings manifest themselves. From my own experience, this is the fastest way of letting them go. Moreover after some practice, you will probably not need to turn to such 'extreme' means of emotional release, breathing it all out will be enough.

This technique is also applicable if you struggle with any other emotions, of course. It needs practice, so don't be discouraged at first. Myself, I am still working on understanding and realising feelings which prevent me from feeling well. At most times, I at least attempt to have one goal in mind - act in order to be at peace, not on a battle with yourself. Be like these ducks swimming in a pond nearby - simple and without expectations. And just so beautiful in their incomplexity.

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